Ayia “ Fucking” Napa

“Ayia Ayia fucking napa”, was all I was hearing, drunk teenagers releasing their emotions in various ways whether it was on the dance floor or the streets, their expressions were always visible. People told me to expect the unexpected in Napa and I seriously did. An experience I can live to tell, ganguro girls, English cupcakes, Turkish sensations, Spanish senoritas, French delights what more could a male dream of. The females covered in the most erotic wear of 2012, influenced by the new era of fashion “yeah buddy”. Walked up and down the streets, gorgeous female faces, so many people, uncountable smiles from everyone. Jamming the Saturday night whether your single or sadly in a relationship. The night made none of that matter. Let me not forget to mention the amount of cleavage revealed and the tight petit shorts the ladies wore to illustrate some of their valuable assets, which would never face liquidity. Over ten clubs in one street, so you can imagine the music pumping and the competition to receive the most customers. At all times people were grooving to the tunes. Going hard every second, to make each and every moment unforgettable. Entered the first club, black and white, without a doubt it lived up to its name. The coming together of different races, truly amazing, racism was put apart and political problems set aside. Drinking, dancing and inhaling the spliffest skunk was the main agenda. Maintaining the positive energy was of the at most importance. I could really live here were the thoughts lingering in my mind. Ayia Napa indeed was one of the liveliest party areas I have ever visited. The night finally came to an end, and I was planning to catch some sleep but the chance never approached me, due to the fact that it was compulsory to attend the river reggae after party. Absolutely incredible, exotic dancer’s still pushing the same kick they had since the beginning. The after party was over by noon. But no people still went hard at the beach, afternoon barbeques, guitar jams, soothing swims and classic fishing. The day was indeed ended in the most fashionable of styles. Grilled beef fillet, sex on the beach (The cocktail you disgusting minded people) and amazing tourists to collaborate with.

Exams are a b****

Dear readers, I shall start posting tomorrow again, been really busy because of exams, so stay put Mesopotamia is about to go HAM.

Ha,ha...ha

The moments

I open the window, the sea breeze hits me my sweat vanishes, a chain of thoughts hit me. The sun is strong, the day is long, seconds turn to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, darkness looms above us, the moon our only established light. We count the stars, we lose ourselves, we make star shapes, we entertain ourselves. Music in the background, the playlist so soothing, she taps my shoulder and whispers “You’re an amazing nostalgia”. I smile at her, she does the same, for me that’s a blessing, for her a fond moment. We waddle downhill to the lake, she takes off my shirt, I take off her shorts, in no time we are naked, free like Adam and Eve. Stick our feet in the water, a feeling second to none, skinny dipping just because we can, kissing just because we can, giggling just because we can, yearning for our love, teenagers just doing what’s right. At that moment, there’s no problems, no religion to separate us, no racial factors to discourage us, just love to embrace us. She runs into the woods, I follow, for minutes I chase her, at last she stops, points down and whispers “look”. An amazing view, the image so vivid and in HD. We sit at the edge, She slides her hand down my forearm, all the way to my hand and squeezes it, time flies, in utter silence. We watch the sunrise, truly exotic, silently in our minds, we linger on the moments, moments that we will never trade, moments that will probably never occur again, moments that I will certainly never forget, a new day awaits us, a new beginning installed just for us, living every second to the maximum, leaving nothing to waste, especially the magic moments.

Enrique you bastard.

Episode 4

I wake up on my bed, dazzled my head is spinning incredibly. Enrique is sitting next to me smoking El Paso skunk. The f*** head he is, he hits me again. And explains why he whacked me across the head when we were outside. Something about me looking at De Marcos’s daughter the wrong way, and that she is off limits. So I ask him “Are you scared of De Marcos, didn’t know you were such a pussy man damn”. “Nah man I ‘am clever and wise, that guy will kill you”. “You clever, hahahaha getting four F’s in a row, Enrique shut the f*** up”. “Didn’t you know getting four F’s in a row is a way of illustrating your intelligence”? “OMG Enrique just shut the f*** up”. We decide to head to town to hustle for some money. So Enrique goes and gets his chicken, named Bruce chick lee. Yes, many might say its animal abuse to allow animals to fight, but I mean this is El Paso hustle hard or go home. So we enter some chicken fight competions and make up to 5000 mexican peso’s which is about 300usd. Alright we were rigged maybe up to 200 dollars, because you know this gangsters will never allow some scrony ass teenagers humiliate them in front of their females and gang. So we heading back home and Enrique say’s, he will be back his going to get some El Paso skunk, I head home slowly, decide to take a shortcut. Then I find Mr. Ever so righteous, speaking to De Marcos’s daughter, doing the lean and all. Enrique you f****** hypocrite I shout out. Before I can approach the situation, a black van with the number plates written De Marcos pulls up to Enrique, Some large ass Mexican gets out, slaps Enrique then back hands him again. I run to the situation and kick the huge man on his calf he falls down. As we were just about to do what we do best: “run”. Someone grabbed us from the collar and in the van we went.

Tune in next time, for more of my crazy endeavors.

Sorry for the wait

Channel Orange

Without a doubt Frank Ocean’s new album has mesmerised his fans once again. Channel orange is the albums identity, just the name sounds creative. Although his come forward and out of the closet about being homosexual, I don’t think that really matters. As long as his producing music of high quality, it’s cool by me. The only problem is that isn’t Frank part of OFWGKTA (Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All.)  Don’t they detest homosexuality hmm… very suspect, a crew that dislikes homosexuality but has a member who is homosexual in the gang and probably one of the best again hmm… very suspect. Tyler the creator better watch what he raps about in his new album Wolf, that was meant to come out in May 2012. Don’t worry Tyler we’ve got all day.

The future

O.N.I.F.C

Only N***** In First Class, is Wiz’s highly anticipated album, most fanatics are still wondering why Wiz Khalifa chose such a prolific album title, s*** I’ll tell you why the Hip Hop sensation is making heavy paper (money). So why not, I mean his worked hard played hard his entire life. People think his new in the game, but if you really analyse Wiz’s situation, his almost a veteran 7 years in the showbiz, obviously not on Snoop dogg’s, Eminem, Lil Wayne’s level.  But hey, the man is trying enough said. Most of you have probably heard his mixtape Taylor allerdice, a true genius mixtape illustrating his new hip hop style. The mixtape explains his transition, the rough journey, the money etc… can’t wait for his new album to drop in august so keen.

In Wiz we trust

LongLive A$AP

  “I be that pretty m*********** Harlem’s what am repping…peso” Yeah buddy A$AP rocky is dropping his new album in September, it’s surely going to be one of the best hip hop albums this year I think. A$AP rocky, is the future bringing back that hardcore rap, with his own flavoring and spicing. Those that don’t know him download his four billboards hit tracks 1.Peso 2. Purple swag 3.Wassup and 4.Goldie, ASAP is truly a talented MC, with a lot of potential. All he needs is the right artists around him, to cement a legacy into the hip hop world. The guy is always giving it a 100’s in the studio, concerts, interview etc… at all times engaging with his fans in one way or another. Okay I need to stop riding this guy. Just know his the man of the moment.

A$AP mob

Wolf

“Kill people burn shit, fuck school”. To all the Odd future lovers we can now forget Tyler’s harsh, offensive and demented lyrics he use to have, the stuff that actually got people to listen to him. Recently in an interview he dropped a hint of what to expect in his new album I quote exactly what he said: “ With this new album Wolf, I ‘am focusing more on the beats, people shouldn’t expect the same shit from goblin that rape, hating rich kids and killing homosexuals. I was broke then, now am rich so I can’t rap about the same shit”. Okay his got a point, not rapping about the same shit cough cough * Rick Ross. But I mean, what made Tyler was all that aggressive spitting, clinical rhythm and accurate flow. Anyway it’s almost august and the album was meant to be out in May, so um… the album better be worth the delay.

Yonkers

Must be illuminati

It’s a situation, I have never heard of in my entire life, so I’ am walking along the beach listening to nirvana, yes nirvana the rock band, theirs absolutely nothing wrong with a young black man listening to rock, lil wayne listens to them so am all good. Anyway while walking across the beach, I hear some guy crying and see him smoking his life away. I go to him, since he looks like someone around my own age. I ask whatsup? Why you crying dawg? His like, nah man there’s nothing wrong, so am like okay and I get up and leave slowly. Then I hear him shouting, “How could they, how they f*** could they, they meant to be my family and his meant to be my best friend.” So I walk back to him, ask him again what happened. This is exactly what he said, no editing, or painting the story. His like my mom is getting a divorce because of my best friend, so am like wtf?? Why? He says my mom wants to be together with my best friend. So I couldn’t help it, I had a chuckle for like a couple of seconds. So did he, then his like you think that’s the messed up part, my sister and my girlfriend are also madly in love with him. My girl broke up with me today so that she can be with him. So as usual I drop to the floor and start laughing like I just tickled my funny bone. He too does the same, then he takes a picture out of his pocket, shows me the guy. I stop laughing immediately and feel his pain too. I mean the guy was ugly, like no he was f****** ugly he made Flava flav look like Brad Pitt. No joke, so am like how is this all even possible he shrugs his shoulders and replies must be illuminati.

FHL (F*** his life)

The new neighbor’s

Episode 3

It’s Saturday, and everyone in town knows that there’s no tolerance for noise on Saturday, especially in the f****** morning. So I’ am sleeping right, It’s nice, dark and cool. Then out of the blue the most annoying sound ravaged my ear. It was like Wacka floka, 2 chains and blink 182 collaborating in one song “ravage my ear” or something. Got up took my baseball bat, opened my front door, amped to the max to teach someone a lesson. Stood on the front porch and saw new neighbor’s moving in, well just saw the truck with the house items. Walked down the street to inform these bastards that this is El Paso b****. The courage and mad swag was cut rather short, when I saw it was Mr. De Marcos probably one of the biggest, meanest and ugliest drug pushers Mexico has ever encountered. The man has a scar, that comes from his forehead down past his eye all the way to the chin. He asked me what you doing with bat, the b**** that I was, I told him I was coming to help them move in. Yes theirs so much a bat could do, you just don’t know. He looked at me for like a minute, I tried to be cool and look him back in the eye, but I oath it was like looking directly into the sun. He then asked me aren’t you Dos Santos son, I nodded my head. He was a good man, Mr. De Marcos said, I walked up to him and told him, he isn’t dead you know, if he was a good man, he should have been their when I went through the hard s***. Before he could say something, a girl maybe two years older than me came out of the house, she was fine from head to toe, a pure Mexican breed. Mr. De Marcos went back into the house, the girl came down the stairs looked at me like she was choosing liquor, I introduced myself like the gentle man I’ am. She told me her name was Amilia and slipped a note into my left pocket, she then turned around so erotically, walked up the stairs, like Miss.Mexico 2012 and in she went back into the house. As I was heading back inside, someone tapped me on the shoulder, I turn around and bang I was out cold.

60 minutes till the bedroom

Yes you all read right, 60 minutes till the bedroom baby, most guys hit the club the whole night and still manage to leave broke, beyond wasted and womanless. Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with partying all night, the main point is just doing right, Raspy figures style we call it.

60 minutes till bedroom is the shizz, you basically party for 60 minutes and leave with your babe straight to the room, in no more than 60 minutes. Before we continue you need to contain the following as a guy

·         Eye-catching hair

·         attractive clothes  

·         Magnetic charisma.

If you don’t have what was mentioned in the above, stop reading now. Never too late to start uploading or downloading your porn, just joking fellas. Please cancel that tab you were about to open.

Eye catching hair

There’s a big difference between having eye catching hair and looking like, Jay West or Djibril Cisse. Keep it simple where by you just arouse a lady the right way.

Certainly not raspy

Attractive clothes

Everybody knows you need to rock 100’s when it comes to outfits, women get weakened by clothes no jokes. Keep it very stylish and on the mark.

Charisma

I can’t teach anybody about charisma, you either packed with it or you not. Just know confidence is of the essence and being funny is essential that’s all I can say.

Main event

The main event is the 60 minutes till the bedroom, always have a crew when you hit the club, a minimum of two beautiful girls. So people can know it’s not a gang bang.

Before hitting the club, make sure you have the traits mentioned in the above: Eye catching hair, attractive clothes and charisma. So you enter the club with your crew, the minute you in, all eyes are on you for a few seconds, so don’t waste time. Put on a cool smile to get noticed, scan for a hot girl at the bar. When this is done, remember eye contact is vital, she will look at you no doubt if you are swaging. Break the eye contact and look uninterested. She will go mad for you trust me. Find a crew and pop bottles. At this stage some girls will be too memorized and will attempt to join, invite them kindly. Forget about the other girl you first saw, start drinking with the new bees. Make them comfortable like they family for like 20 minutes. At this point they will do whatever, to turn up the night with you guys. Since you the MC you make it clear that it’s going to happen at your house or whoevers house from the raspy figures crew, and that they must come cause it’s going down, which they will do, excuse the pun. Off you go to the after party. A maximum of 20 minutes would have gone till the venue, which sums up 40 minutes. Then for the next 20 minutes dance, lay your mac down and park the bus straight to your room.  If your math’s is good you can add this up to 60 minutes till the bedroom b****. If girls didn’t approach your table, then it’s not the end of the world, you still got the girl that you laid eyes on at the bar. Head to the bar buy a posh drink, start drinking, automatically she will speak to you, well most of the time, if she doesn’t start up the conversation with something interesting like

You: Hey whatsup! You good?

Girl: Um… hello am fine (Don’t be intimidated by her frowning, she just flattered you approached her.)

You: Can I ask you a very serious question?

Girl: Sure why not

You: Well um… if me and you were stranded somewhere like in a dessert, and an extremely poisonous snake bit my penis, would you suck the poison out to save my life.

Girl: Hahahahaha… you are crazy

Bingo you are in no problem. Change the subject to something more interesting for like 5 minutes, invite her to your mad raspy table, without hesitation she will come. Now same thing like before make her comfortable for like 15 minutes remember you the MC still or rather the situation. Mention the after party at your house or whoever’s house. Head to the crib have a raspy hella time for approximately half an hour then device a plan to take her to the room. Initiate the plan which should take 10 minutes maximum and off you go to the bedroom. Now can hear it again for 60 minutes till the bedroom, yeah don’t worry I heard you all.